Sometimes the smallest things change everything.  Brett and Stephenie Bouillion know this first hand.  

Brett and Stephenie met young and started dating on February 14, 2006.  If you know them, you would nod and think that’s about right- these two exude sweet and fierce love with every glance they share.  Fourteen had been Brett’s soccer number so to have 2/14 as their day, well, it was just about right.  

Their devotion led to marriage which led to one day late in December when they got the news- they were pregnant.  Not only were they pregnant, they were overjoyed!  Months of joyful anticipation culminated in a personal picnic and then two separate games of Easter-egg roulette with their friends and then family over Easter weekend. The ending was an explosion of egg yolk from a blue dyed egg to reveal the gender.  The Bouillions would have a boy- James Martin Bouillion.  What a gift.  

The next day, Brett and Stephenie received the news that James had a form of Potter’s Syndrome resulting in bilateral renal agenesis.  James’ kidneys hadn’t formed and he would not have much time on this earth.  

Grief swept in, raging and churning the waters of their emotions.  Darkness and cynicism came along as well, bringing along doubts and disconnection from the God they had thought wanted good things for them.  They wanted to scream and rage and they wanted to know WHY.  Why had this happened to them.  They had followed all the rules.  They were good people.  They loved each other so much.  WHY.  

But in time, they thought of James. They agreed to not focus on their anger, but instead focus on their son and to pack James’ short life full of all the best they could possibly give him. They took him fishing and to concerts and they read books to him.  They climbed trees and listened to music and stargazed.  They took him to Wrigley Field and went sailing on Lake Michigan in Chicago.  They even gave him tastes of his dad’s favorite- Mountain Dew even though Stephenie hadn’t had a soda in years.  They loved him in all the ways they possibly could.  And this tiny little human loved them back, choosing August 2, 2018, to make his appearance into this world on a day that moved mountains in the hearts of his parents.  He had spent 34 weeks and 4 days in his mother’s womb and now it was time for his big day, time for him to give his parents 62 minutes of joy and presence and togetherness- 62 minutes they will never forget.  

Of course, this wasn’t the day Stephenie and Brett had planned out.  They had a birth plan.  They had lined everything up and measured it all out. They had done everything but pick the date to meet James Martin which was something that made them both very nervous.   James had it all sorted out already and as unexpected as the contractions and the dilation were, the multifaceted provision of space and time and helpers worked in pristine unison to bless them even in the midst of their pain and suffering.  The hospice team stepped in, the organ donation team sprang into action, the pastor was called and an unknown photographer dropped everything to show up and document the miraculous day. As the family assembled, space and time shifted in unbelievable ways for this holy moment in the life of the Bouillion family.  

Family hugs and hand holding and word sharing bolstered them.  But if you could have seen Brett and Stephenie holding each other’s hands and holding each other’s eyes and hearts you would could clearly see the strength that held them up and together on that day and in that moment.  And on that day and in that moment, the doctor placed a beautiful baby boy on Stephenie’s chest.  Moments after he was born, he furrowed his brow and breathed and moved and it completely undid his parents.  The love and awe took their breath away.  They spent the next hour loving him, sometimes with tears streaming but mostly with wide, deep smiles of joy.  Stephenie kept telling him over and over how proud she was of him.  They held each other close.  They were a family.  

Brett explained it like this:

“…as I fell into this hole of self-pity and hurt and despair I saw it.  The tiniest deep breath and movement I’ve ever longed for.  My heart slammed the door on all of those feelings, my eyes full of joy, my lungs so empty and my heart so full, I saw my son enter the world and watched them place him on Stephenie’s chest… The part of my soul that was empty with the feeling that I would never know my son was full of his smell, his hair, his ten fingers and ten toes and the little wrinkles and the tiny eyelashes and his feet and his hands and his tiny butt chin and his cheeks and his eyes and his nose and I felt like I could fly and I felt like I could soar and I felt like God had been there all along… with one breath, with one frumpled brow, James restored my faith, restored my heart, filled me with a love that can never be destroyed. ”

You could see the love in that room as well as you could feel it.  The pastor read from Hebrews and baptized sweet James and after some time, Stephenie and Brett said goodbye (for now) to their baby boy. The Louisiana Organ Procurement Association (LOPA) helped James give even more back to the world, using his thymus and lungs for Cystic Fibrosis research, his spleen, some adipose tissue, as well as some skin for research on MRSA.  It was fitting because it is James’ legacy:  life-giving love.  And wouldn’t you know it- his birth weight came right out to 2 pounds and 14 ounces.  Of course it did.  Two fourteen.  

After that day, I asked Brett and Stephenie what helped them get through this experience with such grace and joy.  They mentioned the deep and wide love they share with each other, they talked about James and his very being giving them daily hope, they talked about the love and support of family and friends, and they talked about all the caring medical professionals that went on this journey with them with open arms and hearts.  But I think the most unique and joyful thing they mentioned was Little Lego James, or LLJ, as they like to call him.  Brett having grown up with an extreme affinity for all things Lego had been excited about sharing this passion with his little one and when the Lego company came out with a blonde headed, glasses wearing “Birthday Boy” mini-figure for their 60th Birthday, it was just right.  LLJ was Stephenie’s first Mother’s Day gift as James’ mother and serves as a physical reminder of their boy- a great comfort- this little guy representing the boy they love so well. LLJ went on many of James’ adventures, ever-smiling, joyful and happy to share in all the fun.

Stephenie and Brett are so full of love it’s uncontainable.  And what I’m sure of is that the love that was so hard for Brett to describe about his son, that’s how God feels about James as well.  And even more.  I’m also completely sure that as Stephenie was telling her sweet baby boy that she was so very proud of him, so very proud, God was speaking that over all three of them.  God was so proud of them.  God wept with them in that room and God is never going to leave them on this journey through this sometimes joyful and beautiful and awful broken world.  

Brett said of his son James, “[He] is the only thing I’ve ever loved instantly.  I’ve done my best to make sense of this and in talking with Stephenie told her our relationship is much more akin to a fire that we’ve built from nothing over time and continue to add to making it burn more beautiful and more brightly every day, month, and year.  James on the other hand was like an inferno, a wildfire that swept over me without warning…He, from day one, has hold of me and my heart in a way that showed me what unconditional love meant.  I could tell you I love him over and over and over again until I lost my voice, was blue in the face, and my fingers were numb from typing it and it still wouldn’t be enough to adequately express my feelings for him.  I was not and am not in control of the feelings I have for my beautiful son and for the rest of my life, he will be a part of me.”

Only two pounds and fourteen ounces.  But that little life changed everything.  For the better.